[Roots in Ripon] 2015 NOV 03 Golf Gods

[Chuck Roots]

From: Chuck Roots, 

          Retired Pastor, Former Marine, andNavy Chaplain - Retired 

To:     JagadaChambers

          Editor, Ripon Record

Subj.: Roots in Ripon, 3 November2015

 

Golf Gods

 

Thisweek?s article is not a theological treatise on the universally accursed gameof what the Scots call golf. But it could be!

Theancient story goes something like this: Back about 600 years ago some boystending sheep in the fields of Scotland decided to entertain themselves bycreating a game that would help pass the time as they tended to their dutiescaring for the sheep. So they grabbed what was at hand and came up with anobscure game relegated to the British Isles for most of 500 years - golf. Thetools for this game were a cudgel and a round stone. I can?t be sure, but I?dbe willing to bet that the pilgrims who first settled in America weren?t justescaping a British monarchy that stifled their desire to worship God in theirown way. No, I?m thinking certain Scottish, English, and Irish wives wereprodding and encouraging their husbands to sign on to the next sailing ship toAmerica to escape the insipid game of golf that had obviously befuddled theirminds.  

I cansee it now ? the husband has been in the fields all day planting the barley,harvesting the wheat, and tending to the flocks. But in truth, the poor devilhas been sneaking off to play the infernal game of golf! As luck would have it,a neighbor lady, known for a loose tongue, sees the man making his way to afield set aside for playing ?The Game.? This neighborhood gossip feels it isher duty to inform her neighbor of her husband?s meanderings on a golf course,signifying a neglect of his responsibilities to his family. Thus another ticketis purchased for a slow boat to America. 

So itwas off to the New World for many a poor soul who had been stung by the golfbug. Ha! But in the New World there was no golf! It took about 250 years fromthe time the pilgrims landed in Virginia in 1607 before golf arrived on theshores of New England in the middle of the 1800s. I have played several of theoldest courses in the United States. A couple of them resemble the sheep fieldsthey once were. 

TheEnglish champion, Harry Vardon, traveled to the United States in the early 1900sto play some exhibition rounds to show these unwashed, uncouth Americans thegentleman?s sport of golf. Two American boys were fully taken with the game,watching Vardon and his partner, Ted Ray, perform for the mesmerized Americans.Francis Ouimet became proficient enough in golf that he challenged theEnglishman to a match ? and won! Well, Katy bar the door! That?s all it took tohave golf become an emerging national sport in the United States. 

Theother boy who was enamored with golf was Bobby Jones. More than any othergolfer of note, Jones stamped a pedigree on golf that lasts to this day. BobbyJones was your quintessential Southern Gentleman, hailing from Georgia. Becausegolf cost money, and the American middle class had not emerged as yet, golf wasa sport enjoyed by the wealthy and highbrow in society. And it remained so for mostof the first half of the 20th Century. It continues to be considereda gentleman?s sport. And because of the efforts of the famous female athleteand Olympic champion, Babe Didrikson, women were brought into the game of golfas well.

Followingthe victories over Japan and Germany in World War Two, an economic boonfollowed in the United States transforming many in the working class to a newstatus ? the American Middle Class. Things changed: 5-day work weeks; 8-hourdays; two-week vacations; decent pay with raises and bonuses; and the abilityto buy a car. This also introduced leisure time for everyone. Golf took off asa sport in this environment. Add to that the advent of television and golf washere to stay. 

 This brief history of golf is intended topoint out the callousness of the golf gods who torment players of the gameincessantly ? mercilessly. These denizens of whatever passes for the spiritworld?s Nirvana, Heaven, Paradise, Kingdom Come, Happy Hunting Ground, Glory orwhatever, they have no heart! 

If youare a golfer, or you?re married to a golfer, you understand fully what I amsaying. For those of you who are clueless, let me simply say, ?Mama, don?t letyour babies grow up to be golfers!? 

Thelist of things that golf does to a person is literally endless. The amount ofmoney a golfer will spend on equipment, golf togs, and all manner of do-dadsand gizmos is embarrassing. And we are so easily convinced that the newest golfball will fly farther and straighter; that the newest set of clubs will allowus to hit the ball with power and authority; and that the latest style of golfshoe will give us an edge when addressing the ball. 

Woe isme! For just when I believe I?m getting the hang of this diabolical game, andmy scores are causing me to thump my chest in pride, the golf gods sprinkle ?stupiddust? on me and I forget how to play. Oh, I try, but I look pathetic, thrashingaway with my clubs trying to hit this nefarious ball, only to hear the golfgods chortling from their denizen of golfdom. They are heartless. I am doomed!

Howbad is it? The first chance I have this week will find me on the golf course.Do you hear it? They?re laughing at me! 

I needhelp.
 
Dr. Charles R. Roots 
209-604-1415 cell phone 
Pastor, Retired
Free Methodist Church
Former Staff Sergeant, USMC
Captain, U.S. Navy Chaplain Corps (Ret)
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